


Tumbling Blindly into Love

by whispered_story



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Living Together, M/M, set during the filming of season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 10:09:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17404958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: If there are rules for being friends with benefits, they're probably breaking every single one of them.





	Tumbling Blindly into Love

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Dancing_Adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) for betaing!

Jared screws his eyes shut, hands fisted in the pillow under his head, and pushes back against Jensen in an attempt to get him even deeper, even though Jensen is already _so deep_ , filling him up so good. Each thrust forces breathless little gasps out of Jared and he feels the pleasure build deep in his belly, so sharp it's almost painful.

"Yes, _yes_ ," he pants, and Jensen fucks into him even harder, burying himself in Jared over and over.

Jared comes with a silent cry, echoed by a throaty moan from Jensen. His muscles feel like jelly and he collapses onto the mattress, sweaty and fucked-out. Jensen goes with him, his weight pinning Jared down, and Jared turns his face, panting.

"Fuck," he mutters, smiling, pleasure humming through him. Jensen makes a noise of agreement and shifts on top of him, lifting up and pulling out of Jared.

"Shit," he says. " _Shit._ "

It's not the words you want to hear right after sex, especially not in that panic-edged voice, and Jared cranes his head back.

"What?" he asks, the worried look on Jensen's face killing the buzz of his orgasm almost immediately.

"Condom broke," Jensen says, his brows creased.

"Oh," Jared says. "Okay." 

Jensen frowns at him. He pulls the condom off his dick, tossing it aside carelessly, and then collapses onto the bed next to Jared. "Okay?" he echoes, his voice still strained.

Jared hums and shifts closer, pressing up against Jensen's side. Sweaty and gross as they are, he smiles contently when Jensen wraps his arms around him and tugs him in against him. 

"I'll get the morning after pill tomorrow," Jared mocks and brushes a sloppy, tired kiss against Jensen's neck before pushing his nose into the same spot. "Make sure there won't be any illegitimate little Ackles running around any time soon."

"Funny," Jensen says and slaps his arm before sighing. "It's just. You know."

"What?" Jared prompts. "You're worried I'm not clean?"

He can't help but feel a little offended. He's not some random guy Jensen picked up at a bar, he's _Jared_. Jensen should know him well enough, trust him enough, to know he wouldn't be sleeping with Jensen without disclosing if he had any STDs. 

"Of course not," Jensen replies, running his hand up and down Jared's arm. He kisses the top of Jared's head, and it feels a bit like Jensen is trying to soothe a spooked animal—but Jared is getting some cuddling out of it, so he's okay with that.

"Are you not clean?" Jared asks, more exasperated than accusing, because he trusts Jensen. More than anyone in the world, including himself.

"Jesus, Jay. Of course I am," Jensen mutters.

Jared sighs, not unhappily. "Then what's the big deal?" he prods. "Because you're killing the afterglow, man."

"Well, _sorry_ ," Jensen snarks, not sounding sorry at all. "I guess it's just something that's ingrained in my head. To always be careful, use protection."

Jared pats Jensen's chest, nodding. "Well, it's not a big deal. Not when it's with me anyway."

"Yeah."

"Yeah? Okay? Can you shut up and go back to cuddling me then?" Jared asks teasingly. "Unless you want to whisper sweet nothings into my ear, I'd be okay with that."

"Sometimes I wonder if the sex is worth having to put up with you," Jensen says, but he tightens the arm he has wrapped around Jared's shoulder as he says it, sliding his other hand down Jared's back.

Jared snorts. "Oh, please," he says. "You know it's so worth it. And you love putting up with me anyway." 

"Meh," Jensen says.

Jared pinches Jensen's side, grinning when Jensen yelps. 

"You're a menace," Jensen complains, but Jared can hear the smile in his voice and he's still rubbing Jared's back. Jared bites back a yawn and turns his face further into Jensen's neck while worming one leg between Jensen's.

"Sleep now," he murmurs, and Jensen huffs in amusement but doesn't say anything else. 

Jared doesn't even question if he's going to stay anymore—Jensen didn't at first, the first few times they fucked. But unless they have to get up at different times or one of them is in a funk and wants some space, they usually both crash in whatever bed they end up in these days. It's convenient and Jared thinks the casual arrangement they have feels less skeevy than it would if Jensen fucked him and then slipped out of the room the moment they finish. And this way, he gets some post-sex cuddles. Jared honestly doesn't know if Jensen enjoys that part as much as he does or if he's just indulging Jared, because he knows how much Jared seeks out physical affection, but Jared doesn't look into it too deep, too damn happy with the way things are between them. He gets amazing orgasms regularly and a warm body to drape himself over afterwards and it's with _Jensen._

He could honestly do this for the rest of his life. And that's another thing he chooses not to look into too much, Jared thinks muzzily as he drifts off into sleep, enclosed in the circle of Jensen's arms.

~*~

Jared tips his head under the hot spray, letting the water slick his hair back.

He hears the door to the bathroom open and then shut again and a couple of seconds later the shower's glass partition is pulled open. Jared shudders at the rush of cooler air against his skin but doesn't flinch when Jensen steps up behind him. He presses in close, his chest to Jared's back and his cock nudging against the crack of Jared's ass, and wraps his arms around Jared, resting his hands on his belly.

"Morning," Jared says, and Jensen yawns and kisses his shoulder. He doesn't reply and Jared knows Jensen probably needs a few more moments for his brain to wake up, so he just relaxes back against Jensen and reaches for the shower gel. 

He's soaping up his chest, working around Jensen's hands, when Jensen sighs against his shoulder.

"We should get tested," he says, loud enough to be heard over the rush of water, even though his voice still sounds thick and low with sleep.

Jared groans. "I thought we went over this last night?"

"Yeah," Jensen agrees and swipes his hand over Jared's chest, gathering some of the suds and spreading them lower. "But still. Not because I think either of us has anything. But it just seems like the responsible thing to do."

He has that tone, the one that Jared is all too familiar with. That tells him Jensen has already made up his mind and there's no arguing with him, because he's decided it's for the best. Specifically, for _Jared_. It's the same tone he used when he told Jared he should have at least one piece of fruit with lunch every day, because it's healthy, and Jared has been sticking to that rule since season one now. 

Jared sighs. "Okay," he agrees, and Jensen kisses his shoulder sweetly.

He ruins the moment a second later when he says, "I really need to pee."

Jared twists out of Jensen's arms and turns around. "No. Not while you're in the shower with me," he says firmly.

Jensen wrinkles his nose and Jared can tell he's about to argue, so he shakes his head. "No. Out, Ackles," he orders and points at the glass door.

Jensen rolls his eyes but gets out of the shower. 

Even over the rush of the water Jared hears Jensen pad to the toilet and relieve himself. With any of his past girlfriends or boyfriends, they would have known to use a different bathroom or wait until Jared was done showering, because Jared has always drawn the line at listening to a significant other use the bathroom. 

But he and Jensen aren't in a relationship, and somehow that makes Jared feel a little less squeamish about the whole thing. There are a lot of lines that have become muddled with Jensen, a lot of inhibitions Jared doesn't feel around him. A lot of things he does with Jensen that he never did with his exes, because with them Jared always held back a little, always kept a wall up.

Jensen joins him in the shower again a few moments later, grinning up at him. "Happy, princess?" he asks.

Jared rolls his eyes but lets Jensen pull him close by the hips. "You ever think we're maybe too close?" he asks as Jensen slicks his wet hands down his back, settling them just above Jared's ass.

"Hmm, Sam and Dean are maybe too close," Jensen replies. "We're _definitely_ too close."

It's said with a grin and Jensen leans up and kisses him, silencing any response Jared could come up with.

~*~

They both set up appointments for later the following week—at different clinics, because there are already way too many rumors about them and Jared doesn't want to get yelled at by his manager. Again.

Jared isn't really worried about it. He's gotten tested regularly for the past few years and he's always been safe. He's only had two one-night stands in his life and everyone else he's had sex with has been someone he's been in a committed relationship with, save for Jensen. But Jensen is a completely different story anyway because he's both a fuck-buddy and Jared's favorite person in the world and Jared hasn't been with anyone else ever since they started this thing, either. So he knows he doesn't have anything to worry about, that he's just getting tested because Jensen has got it in his head that they should.

Something is definitely up with Jensen though. He doesn't seem worried or scared, but he's acting differently that week. On Tuesday morning, he comes into the kitchen just as Jared is starting to fix himself breakfast, and kisses him. While that's not something they do all the time, it's not entirely unusual either—what is unusual is that Jensen doesn't stop. He manhandles Jared against the counter and then freaking _lifts_ him up on top of it—as if Jared isn't 6'5 and pretty much pure muscle—and continues to kiss him. They make out, all dirty and heavy, until their car gets there and they make their driver wait another five minutes while they make themselves look at least somewhat presentable, and then they both have to grab breakfast from catering before heading to wardrobe and make-up.

That night, Jensen is on Jared the moment they get home and he fucks Jared right there in the hallway, as if he can't wait to have him.

On Wednesday, Jared finally decides he's had enough. They're in his trailer, having lunch and going over the scene they're shooting next, and Jensen has been sneaking glances at him for the past twenty minutes. His expression is both thoughtful and heavy with desire, and it's more than a little distracting. They never do anything on set; it's one of the very few rules they ever decided on, that the only place they'd ever have sex or even so much as kiss would be at home, behind closed doors. But right now, Jensen is making it really hard for Jared—literally—and Jared needs him to stop.

"What's up with you?" Jared asks and stretches one of his legs out on the couch, kicking Jensen's thigh.

"Nothing," Jensen replies, giving him a puzzled look. He's a good actor, a great one, but Jared is even better at seeing right past Jensen's bullshit.

"Ackles," he warns.

Jensen huffs out a little breath. "Just…" he starts. "Been thinking about something." 

"'bout what?"

Jensen licks his lips and looks down at the script in his lap and then back up at Jared. "You ever done it without a condom?" he asks.

"Uh, no," Jared says, rubbing the back of his neck. "My first two girlfriends weren't on the pill or anything and I've only been in relationships with guys since and it just… never really crossed my mind with them. Have you?"

"No," Jensen says, and Jared isn't really surprised, given how Jensen reacted the other night. Jensen can be reckless, can do some crazy shit—especially if he's hanging out with some of his buddies from back home or has had a few too many drinks—but he's pretty responsible when it comes to stuff like that.

"You ever wanted to?" Jared prods, because he has an inkling about where Jensen is going with this.

"Not really," Jensen says, looking hesitant. "Not until now."

"Yeah?" Jared asks, and the thought makes his breath get stuck in his throat. He shifts, pulls his leg back up against him because his cock is definitely starting to chub up a little at the idea. He knows it's supposed to feel pretty damn good—if porn is to be believed anyway—and having Jensen bare inside of him, all hot and thick, is definitely something he can get behind. Or in front of, really.

"If you want to," Jensen says roughly and shrugs. "We don't have to. I know we're not… it just crossed my mind."

"No. I mean, yes. I wanna," Jared says.

Jensen regards him for a moment, then gives a little hum of agreement and nods. "After we get the tests results back."

"Yeah, of course," Jared agrees.

"Okay, cool," Jensen says casually, as if they just agreed to have a beer together after work or go see a movie, not stop using condoms.

"Cool," Jared echoes stupidly.

~*~

On Friday, Jared comes home from set a few hours after Jensen. The dogs greet him at the door and he spends a few minutes petting them and getting his face and hands licked before he goes to find Jensen.

Jensen is in the kitchen, stirring what looks like pasta sauce in a pot, his cell wedged between his shoulder and ear. "Probably not until Christmas break, man," he says to whoever he's talking to and turns his head towards Jared, giving him a little grin.

Jared mouths "hey" and then goes to grab a beer for himself. He takes a few deep gulps and then goes to join Jensen at the stove.

"I know, but we're just too busy," Jensen says into the phone. He makes a face at Jared, rolling his eyes, and Jared bites back a laugh. 

"Need help?" he asks quietly, so only Jensen hears him. 

Jensen smiles and waves his hand at a baking sheet with garlic bread and then the oven that's already pre-heating. Jared sees the little band-aid in the crook of Jensen's arm then, the small bruise that's formed around it, and he remembers that Jensen had his appointment at the clinic that day. The thought makes his stomach swoop hotly and he swallows, willing his cock not to get hard. 

They haven't talked about it since the conversation in the trailer two days ago, but they've both been pretty riled up since. Usually, they rarely hook up during the week, their filming schedule too busy, but Jensen slept in Jared's bed the past two nights and they crammed in a quick fuck this morning, too.

He tries to remind himself not to build the whole thing up too much in his head; it probably won't feel drastically different and it won't change anything between them, either. 

There's a little voice inside him though that insists that it's a pretty big deal, especially since he's now aching to do this with Jensen when he's never really wanted to with any of his exes. He'd been happy with them, satisfied, but there's something about Jensen that just makes his brain go offline and makes him go crazy with want sometimes. Makes him want to do all kinds of wonderful, dirty things that he's never done before.

Maybe it's because, underneath his somewhat reserved exterior, Jensen is pretty kinky—definitely more so than any of Jared's other partners—and a lot more experienced than Jared. And it makes Jared want to try things, too. Makes him want Jensen to show him all the things he's been missing out on. And it's a trust thing, too. He trusts Jensen completely, feels safe and comfortable with him, and whatever Jensen has suggested so far, Jared has never felt any reservations with him.

Barebacking, though. That's pretty damn intimate, even for them. But instead of getting scared by that it just sends a thrill through Jared.

Jared bites down on his bottom lip, unable to stop the heat from pooling in his stomach now. As Jensen wraps his conversation up, Jared finishes his beer and then decides they need something a little harder to drink tonight.

Jensen has said his goodbyes and is turning the sauce down to a simmer when Jared puts the bottle of tequila and two shot glasses on the counter next to him.

Jensen's lips quirk up into an amused grin and he shoots Jared a look. "You got plans for us tonight, big guy?"

"It's Friday," Jared says with a shrug.

Jensen snorts. "Okay. Just one and then we'll get some food into you, though. Or you'll be completely sloshed in an hour," he says, and Jared smiles widely and pours them both a shot while Jensen goes to grab lime and salt.

"Who was on the phone?" he asks as Jensen cuts them each a wedge of lime.

"Steve," Jensen says and gives a small sigh. "He wants me to come to L.A. and hang out, but I'm just not feeling like traveling when we barely have any free time as it is."

"Yeah," Jared agrees and takes the wedge Jensen holds out to him. "He could come visit."

Jensen sprinkles salt onto his hand, grimacing, and then puts some onto Jared's hand as well. "And then I'd have to go out and do stuff," he says. "I like spending half the weekend on the couch and the other half in bed."

"Yeah, and I'm not inviting him into bed with us," Jared teases.

Jensen laughs and picks up his shot glass, holding it up. "Cheers to that," he says, and they toast each other before licking the salt off their hands, downing the shots and then sucking on the limes. The alcohol burns down Jared's throat, and he makes a face at the sourness of the lime before coughing a little.

"We're becoming hermits," he points out.

Jensen shrugs. "We work a lot, we're allowed," he says. "I can take you out for a night on the town tomorrow and we can tell people we were being social, if you want."

"Oh, you can take me out, huh?" Jared mocks and bats his eyelashes at Jensen.

Jensen grins and pats Jared's cheek. "Awww, you know I love being seen with a pretty little thing like you on my arm, darling," he drawls. "And if you're a good boy, I'll take you home and make you scream my name."

"Or we could just do that," Jared says, squirming a little. 

Jensen laughs. "Yup, sounds like a much better plan," he agrees. "Come on, grab two plates while I drain the pasta and we can have dinner."

"And then more tequila," Jared adds.

"And then more tequila," Jensen echoes.

~*~

They get sloppy drunk that night—the kind where their accents get thicker and Jensen's grin get lazy and Jared's laughter turns into giggling.

They don't make it to either of their bedrooms for the first round. The couch isn't big enough for two guys their size—at least not when they're drunk and uncoordinated—so Jensen pushes the coffee table out of the way and spreads Jared, naked and achingly hard already, right out there on the floor. He licks tequila out of Jared's navel while he fingers him open and then he pulls his fingers out and replaces them with his tongue instead. He eats Jared out until he comes with a hoarse scream, and then he turns Jared over onto his belly and fucks him all deep and lazy, murmuring into Jared's ear how pretty he is, how good he is for him, his voice slurred and his breath smelling like tequila.

Afterwards, he drags Jared into his bedroom and then fucks him again. Jared doesn't have a third orgasm in him, but it still feels damn amazing, having Jensen's thick cock splitting him open, making him feel so damn full and wanted and owned.

~*~

"I'd say I'm never drinking again, but we both know that'd be a lie," Jensen mutters the next morning, face pressed into the curve of Jared's neck.

Jared groans, not daring to lift the arm that's covering his eyes yet. "I have to go let the dogs out," he says, and just the thought of getting up makes his stomach roll.

"Sucks to be you," Jensen replies, smug despite how horrible he sounds.

"I hate you," Jared says and finally heaves himself out of bed. Being up is about as miserable as Jared expected it to be and he's relieved when he's hustled the dogs back inside from the backyard, filled their bowls with kibble and they're both quiet and happy again. He grabs two bottles of water from the fridge and then staggers back to Jensen's room.

There's a bottle of painkillers sitting on the nightstand that wasn't there before and Jensen is fast asleep again, snoring. 

"Thank you," Jared mumbles anyway and grabs the painkillers, swallowing a few before sinking back down onto the bed gratefully.

They finally make it out of bed around 2 p.m., Jared's stomach growling and Jensen's headache, Jared suspects, more due to caffeine-deficiency than a hangover by now. They move from the kitchen to the couch, armed with food and water and coffee, and spend the rest of the day curled up on opposite ends of it. 

Jared gets up to go for a short walk around the neighborhood with the dogs in the evening and Jensen orders pizza for them in the meantime and then they go back to the couch, watching The Truman Show (Jared's choice) and then Tombstone (Jensen's choice). Jared falls asleep halfway through the second movie and Jensen nudges him with awake with a murmured, "Bedtime, Jay."

"'s late?" Jared slurs, brain fuzzy.

"Yeah, it's late, sasquatch," Jensen replies and nudges him a little more firmly. "Come on, up you go."

Jared makes an unhappy noise but he pulls himself off the couch, the blanket Jensen must have covered him with slipping off his lap, and mumbles good-night before he heads upstairs. 

After several nights with Jensen right there, the bed feels strangely empty without him. Spreading out smack in the middle doesn't feel as satisfying as he remembers and he only falls asleep when Sadie jumps up into bed with him and curls up against his legs.

~*~

Jared bundles up and goes on a hike with the dogs the next day, which Jensen begs out of in favor of continuing his weekend of laziness. 

"I'm gonna have to surgically remove your ass from the couch tomorrow," Jared warns teasingly before he leaves.

Jensen, who is indeed sprawled out on the couch again, this time armed with a script, grins at him. "You should be so lucky as to get to touch my ass."

"I already do. All the time," Jared replies, rolling his eyes. "See you later then."

"Yup," Jensen says, popping the 'p' obnoxiously. "I'll be right here."

And he is when Jared returns. After a whole day of lying around yesterday, Jared feels too antsy to join him again, full of pent-up energy. He makes them some sandwiches for lunch and then putters around the house for a bit before he decides to go work out in their home gym for a while. He pushes himself until he's sore and exhausted but content and then takes the longest, hottest shower known to man.

He attempts to make dinner afterwards, but when he almost slices his finger off trying to cut an onion, he gives up and orders in.

"What are we having?" Jensen asks, strolling into the kitchen just as Jared hangs up the phone.

"Thai," Jared says and holds up the finger that's now wrapped in a band-aid, a bit of red seeping through in one spot. "I tried to make lasagna for us, but I failed."

Jensen snorts. "Poor baby," he says and moves in closer. He takes Jared's hand in his and brings it to his mouth, skimming his lips over Jared's knuckles.

Jared's stupid heart skips a beat in his chest and he swears Jensen is looking at him knowingly. 

Jensen closes the last bit of distance between them and catches Jared's mouth in a kiss. "We got some time to kill until food gets here, huh?" he asks in a low voice.

It shouldn't be enough for Jared to start getting hard, but damn if he doesn't. "About an hour," he says, already leaning into Jensen.

"Perfect," Jensen says just before their lips meet again.

~*~

Filming is kind of horrible the next week and Jared has to continuously remind himself that he loves his job. Having Jensen there with him makes it a whole lot easier, but there are still a lot of late nights that week, scenes that have to be redone more times than Jared thinks is strictly necessary, and waiting around in the cold while something or other needs to be adjusted.

Jared gets his results from the clinic on Monday and he leaves them on the kitchen counter where he knows Jensen will see them. Jensen doesn't comment, but two days later Jared finds Jensen's results in exactly the same place on the counter. Clean bill of health, of course. It's a bright spot in a pretty shitty week— _seriously_ bright—and just thinking about what getting their results back means sends heat through Jared. 

It leaves him feeling a little bereft, though, unsure of what to do now. It feels like something they should make plans for, expect there's nothing to plan, because all they really need is lube and some time. Jared doesn't want it to be a quick fuck at the end of a long day though, because it _is_ kind of a big deal, and judging by the fact that Jensen doesn't initiate anything during the week, they seem to be on the same page.

Jared vaguely aims for Friday night, but work takes the decision out of his hands in the end when filming runs _five_ hours late on Friday. 

"Today was a fuck up," Jensen complains when they finally get home. He has bags under his eyes that Jared rarely sees on him, and Jared is pretty sure he doesn't look any better.

"The entire week was," Jared agrees, and Jensen cups the back of Jared's neck, squeezes. 

"Go get some rest, Jay," he says, his voice gentle, sweet. 

Jared sighs and Jensen must read some of the disappointment on his face, because he leaves his hand on Jared's neck for a bit longer and leans in, kisses him briefly. "Tomorrow, okay?" he murmurs.

"Okay," Jared agrees.

Jensen smiles, but snorts at the same time. "Drive me fucking crazy, Jared," he says quietly and then pulls back. 

Jared isn't quite sure what he means by that, but it still makes him feel warm inside.

~*~

They both sleep half of Saturday away. Jared finally drags himself out of bed and gets dressed to go for a run with the dogs. By the time he comes back, Jensen is up and dressed, putting a dirty mug in the dishwasher when Jared strolls into the kitchen. He's wearing boots and Jared can see the outline of his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Going somewhere?" Jared asks.

Jensen closes the dishwasher and turns towards him, smiling. "Morning," he greets. "Yeah. I have to go pick up a couple of presents for Christmas in town."

"Oh," Jared says. "Hey, if you give me thirty minutes, I'll grab a quick shower and get dressed and I'll join you. I still need to buy presents for, well, pretty much everyone." 

"No," Jensen says a bit gruffly.

"No," Jared echoes, feeling weirdly hurt by the rejection.

Jensen huffs and then gives him a pointed look. "No, you can't come join me, Jared."

Realization dawns on Jared and his lips stretch into a wide grin. "Oh. You're buying presents for _me_."

"No, don't be ridiculous," Jensen says, but he's grinning too. "Who said you're getting anything from me at all?"

"Right. Well, have fun buying presents that I can't know about for someone who definitely isn't me."

"Yup, I'll do just that," Jensen says and then comes to kiss Jared. "See you later?"

"Hmm, yeah," Jared says and steals another kiss before Jensen slips past him.

~*~

It's strange how Jared kind of doesn't know what to do without himself without Jensen around, even if it's just for a few hours. He finally—reluctantly—decides to do some chores just to pass the time. 

Housekeeping takes care of the worst of it, but there are some things that have probably been left undone for too long. So Jared changes his sheets and does two loads of laundry—throwing Jensen's stuff in with his, because he's a good friend like that—and then decides to give making lasagna another try. 

His fingers remain unharmed this time and Jared hums contently along to the radio as he stirs the meat sauce in the pan. It feels nice, keeping house for him and Jensen, and Jared doesn't remember the last time he enjoyed being domestic this much. The kitchen looks a bit like disaster struck and the sauce doesn't taste quite as good as his mom's even though he followed her recipe diligently, but Jared's pretty pleased with himself anyway. 

The lasagna is in the oven, half of the laundry is hanging neatly from the line in the laundry room while the other half is in the dryer, and the worst of the mess in the kitchen has been cleaned when Jensen comes home. 

"Jared?" Jensen calls out.

"Kitchen," Jared replies loudly, putting the book he's been reading while keeping an eye on the oven down.

He listens to Jensen's heavy steps as he heads for his room—probably to hide the presents, Jared thinks with a smile—before he comes to join him.

"Fuck, it smells good," Jensen says, glancing around. "Are you cooking?"

"Yup," Jared says, with a bit of pride. "My mama's lasagna. The inferior version of it, I'm afraid, but I think it's edible."

Jensen sniffs the air again and hums. "Man, this is the kind of dinner that deserves wine instead of beer, isn't it?" 

"You pick something out," Jared offers, because Jensen's much better at pairing food with drinks. Jared's been getting more and more into wine and whiskey and even good quality beer, all thanks to Jensen, but he usually lets Jensen pick things out at the liquor store and even restaurants.

"Alright," Jensen agrees.

He comes back with a bottle and then gets a decanter from the cabinets. "I picked a Babera. That work for you?" he asks.

"Sure," Jared says, not even sure if he's ever had one. He remembers a bit about it from the book on wines that Jensen bought him for Christmas last year and he's pretty sure it's a good choice, but he probably would be happy with anything Jensen picked. "Food should be done in about thirty minutes." 

"Perfect," Jensen says, pouring the wine. 

The whole scenario—home-cooked dinner and fancy wine—isn't just domestic, it's downright romantic. Jared really can’t decide if that's nice or a bit odd, considering he's pretty sure he's gonna be ass up in one of their beds in a few hours, getting fucked without a condom for the first time. But their whole— _relationship_ is a bit odd, probably. If there are rules for being friends with benefits, they've probably broken every single one of them already. But Jared can't really imagine doing it any other way, can't imagine not sharing a bed with Jensen after sex, kissing and touching and murmuring soft words to each other, can't imagine having dinners that dangerously resemble dates, and going home together every single day. He can't imagine having sex with Jensen without some kind of feelings being involved, because all of those lines of friendship and love and lust have always been blurred between them.

Jensen sets the wine aside and Jared watches him, smiling at the way Jensen peers into the oven, looking soft and content and oh-so-wonderfully domestic in his washed-out jeans and thick sweater and his messy hair. Jensen joins him at the counter then, spins Jared's stool so he can step into the open vee of Jared's legs, spreading them further apart. 

Jensen puts his fingers under Jared's chin, tipping his face up, and gently drags his thumb over Jared's lower lip. He's grinning, that small, soft grin that makes his eyes crinkle up, and Jared sighs quietly, contently.

"Thanks for cooking me dinner, Jay," Jensen murmurs.

"Wait until you've had some," Jared warns teasingly, and Jensen's grin gets a little bigger. He leans in, kisses Jared once, twice, and Jared's stomach flips. 

He rests his forehead against Jensen's chin, his hands on Jensen's hips. "What'd you get me for Christmas?" he asks with a smile.

"Coal," Jensen deadpans, nosing Jared's hairline. His stubble prickles against Jared's forehead and Jared laughs softly.

"Awesome," he says. "Just what I wanted."

Jensen chuckles and cups Jared's face between his hands, bringing it up to his for another kiss. It's slow, but deep, Jensen coaxing Jared's lips apart and brushing their tongues together. One of his hands slides back, fingers tangling in Jared's hair and when he tugs at it a little, Jared moans into his mouth.

They part with a soft, wet noise, but Jensen stays close. "If you hadn't made dinner, I would be dragging you into my bedroom right now, sweetheart," he says, and the words as well as the term of endearment send a spark of arousal through Jared.

"We can skip dinner," he suggests.

"I don't want to have to stop and take a break because you're starving in an hour," Jensen says with a small smirk. "We can be civilized adults and have a nice dinner without jumping each other, right?"

"I guess," Jared says in a put-upon voice. 

~*~

Jared is hardly a chef and the lasagna isn't anything to write home about, but he feels pretty pleased with himself when Jensen eats a second helping anyway, telling him several times that it's good.

They both sip their wine, but don't drink much, an unspoken agreement to not get tipsy tonight hanging in the air between them. They do the dishes together and Jared lets the dogs out once more.

His stomach is in knots by the time they head upstairs to his bedroom and he isn't even sure why it feels so different. Whenever they go into one of their bedrooms together, it's usually with the intention to have sex, so tonight isn't really that different. It'll be pretty much like it always is between them, minus the condoms. But Jared actually feels nervous, in a way he's never felt with Jensen, not even the first time.

Jensen stops them in the doorway, pushes Jared up against the jamb and kisses him.

"Jared," he whispers and then dives in for a second kiss, deeper and longer than the first. Jared feels tension he didn't realize he was holding ease from his shoulders then, his body sinking into Jensen the way he always does.

Jensen's fingers find their way to the hem of Jared's t-shirt, smoothing over his skin just above the waistband of his jeans, his touch soft and teasing.

When they break apart, Jared shucks off the flannel overshirt—Sam's—and t-shirt underneath—which he's only 50% sure is his and might actually be Jensen's. Jensen strips off his sweater and t-shirt as well and then pulls Jared back to him, effectively tugging him further into the room. As their lips find each other again, Jared fumbles blindly with the door and pushes it shut to make sure Sadie and Harley won't interrupt them, and Jensen's hands have already started undoing his jeans.

By the time Jared gets onto his bed, he's down to his boxer-briefs and he settles back into the pillows, spreads his legs for Jensen to crawl between. He looks down at Jared, eyes roaming over Jared's almost naked body, making Jared feel hot all over.

"You're so freaking gorgeous," Jensen says.

Jared feels himself flush. "You don't have to butter me up," he says.

Jensen hums and curls his hands around Jared's wrists. He brings them up, over Jared's head, and holds them there and then leans down, brushes his lips across Jared's jaw. "You're gorgeous," he repeats, more firmly, and Jared sighs. 

He tips his head to the side, exposing more of his neck in a silent plea, and Jensen kisses the hinge of his jaw, then the spot just beneath Jared's ear that makes his breath catch. He lets go of Jared's hands as he moves further down Jared's body but Jared leaves them there, curling his fingers loosely around one of the metal columns of the headboard. It makes him, briefly, remember the one time Jensen tied him up just like this and he moans quietly.

"Shhh," Jensen soothes, running his hands all the way down from his ribcage to his hips. He keeps them there, squeezing, as he kisses down Jared's neck. His teeth graze the skin where Jared's neck curves into his shoulder and Jared tosses his head back.

"Jensen," he mumbles and Jensen sucks on the same spot, just for a moment, not long enough to leave a hickey. It's one of the things Jared is dying for Jensen to do, leaving his mark all over his body, but he won't ask for it until hiatus. But just the suggestion makes his stomach squirm, his dick achingly hard. He hitches his hips up, looking for some friction, and Jensen pushes him back down, pinning him.

"Patience, young grasshopper," he teases and kisses a damp path down Jared's collarbone.

"I'll show you grasshopper," Jared mutters back nonsensically, and Jensen laughs against his chest. 

He ducks down, flicks his tongue over Jared's right nipple and then bites at it. Jared yelps at the sharp sting of pain and pleasure and he tries rocking up against Jensen again futilely. Jensen shushes him and closes his mouth over his nipple, alternatively suckling at it and running his tongue over it. 

Jared is panting by the time Jensen lifts his head a few moments later and he thinks he might lose it before Jensen has even touched his cock if Jensen doesn't hurry up. Jensen seems to sense his impatience because he shifts lower, dropping kisses onto his skin in a straight path down his belly, until he reaches the edge of Jared's underwear. His chin is rubbing against Jared's cock now, and Jared moans brokenly.

Jensen leans down farther, nuzzles Jared's cock through the fabric. "So big, baby," he murmurs, kissing him.

Jared squirms underneath Jensen.

"Got the biggest, prettiest cock I've ever seen," Jensen continues and then lifts his head, smirking up at Jared. "Just like the rest of you, huh, sweetheart?"

"Jensen," Jared groans. He feels like he's burning up, strung-out and needy, and he hates and loves Jensen for how much he likes getting Jared like this.

Jensen hooks his fingers under the waistband of Jared's boxer-briefs and tugs them down, peeling them down his legs. "Have I ever told you that that's one of the freaking hottest things about you?" Jensen asks, almost conversationally, the bastard. He wraps his hand around Jared's cock and strokes it slowly.

"Wha'?" Jared manages, hard to talk or even think with Jensen touching him.

"That you're so fucking massive. Can't imagine a lot of people could get the upper hand on you," Jensen says. "But you love letting me be in charge. You'd let me do fucking anything to you and you take whatever I give you. Take it so freaking beautifully, Jay."

It's not like it's news to Jared. He knows what he likes, knows every guy he's dated has been the type to take charge in the bedroom. And as much as he still likes girls, he's pretty much exclusively dated guys for the past few years because he loves getting fucked. Loves being manhandled and pinned down and filled. But knowing it turns Jensen on so much makes a hot, dark thrill run through him. Makes all his inhibitions about what he likes, how he gets, fly out the window.

He lets his legs splay further, flushing at how exposed it leaves him and how hot that gets him. 

Jensen makes a strangled noise and he leans back down. He mouths at the head of Jared's dick and then ducks lower, hand holding rather than stroking Jared now. He nuzzles and kisses Jared's balls and then noses the spot behind them. Sparks shoot through Jared and he lets go of the headboard with a gasp to put his hands on Jensen's head, though he doesn't apply any pressure. Jensen laughs softly and Jared feels the vibrations go through him, and then he grabs the back of Jared's thighs with both hands and pushes his legs up and out, lifting his hips up off the mattress a bit, and dives in. He licks a stripe to Jared's hole and circles it with his tongue before pressing it in.

Jared moans so loudly, he blushes with embarrassment, but it feels so damn good, Jensen's tongue hot and wet, dipping into him over and over. "Jen. Jensen," he slurs.

"Don't come yet," Jensen says. "Baby, I want you to come with me inside of you." 

Jared pants and nods, pushing Jensen's head away even though he really wants Jensen to keep going, to eat him out until he's screaming. "Gotta stop then," he admits.

Jensen pulls back, sitting up on his haunches, and nods. "Turn around," he says, his voice rough.

Jared scrambles to turn around and get up on his knees, his legs already feeling shaky. He leans down on his elbows, ass up in the air, knowing it's one of Jensen's favorite positions. 

"Fuck," Jensen hisses and then he leans over Jared. Jared turns his head, watches Jensen pull the drawer of his nightstand open and get the lube out. Just the lube. Jared almost forgot, and he bites down onto his bottom lip before any more embarrassing noises can spill out.

Jensen makes quick work of getting him ready. He spreads lube around Jared's hole with two slick fingers and then slides one finger right inside, making Jared moan with how damn good it feels. Jensen pushes in and out a few times and then goes right back in with a second.

"God," Jared groans, hanging his head and pressing his shoulders further down in an attempt to arch back more.

"Too much?" Jensen asks, his voice all gravelly now and Jared fucking loves it when his voice gets like that.

"No. So good, Jensen," he pants and rocks back when Jensen starts to move his fingers. He twists them in and out, scissoring them inside of Jared, getting him loose and relaxed around him. 

He teases a third finger over Jared's rim and Jared blinks sweaty bangs out of his eyes. "Please," he begs, shifting in an attempt to widen his stance.

Jensen pulls out and then slides back in with all three fingers, slower this time. Jared feels the stretch of it, Jensen's fingers thick inside of him, and when they brush against his prostate, Jared shudders.

"Don't. I'll come," he hisses, and Jensen murmurs an agreement, cupping Jared's hip with his free hand as he continues to open Jared up, quickly and efficiently.

When he pulls his fingers out this time, Jared chews on his lower lip, anticipation making him tremble, his balls and cock aching. 

Jensen touches the small of Jared's back, fingers tacky with lube. "You’re sure about this, right, Jay?"

"God yes," Jared replies and cranes his head back, meeting Jensen's gaze. He smiles and Jensen returns it. When he picks up the lube, Jared turns his head back and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down a little so he won't come the second Jensen pushes into him. 

When he feels the head of Jensen's cock nudge up against his entrance, he tenses for just a second. The air around them feels charged with anticipation, more so than usual, and he's glad when Jensen palms his hip again with one hand, the touch grounding, before he starts pushing forward. Jared feels the pressure build, feels Jensen press forward more and then in, and they both moan. 

He sinks into Jared, slowly but steadily, burying himself inch by inch until his hips are pressed flush against Jared's ass. 

"Holy shit," Jensen hisses and grabs Jared by the hips with both hands, fingers digging in. 

Jared is pretty sure he can't breathe, all the air pushed out of his lungs. Jensen is so big inside of him, the stretch burning exquisitely, and maybe he's imagining it, but Jared thinks he feels hotter, feels better.

"Can I move, baby?" Jensen asks, his voice strained, like he has to try hard to control himself. 

" _Please_ ," Jared begs and rocks back before Jensen has moved. Jensen makes a strangled noise and then he draws away and pushes back in. 

"You have no fucking idea how good you feel," Jensen pants, and Jared wants to know, wants Jensen to tell him, but he's pretty sure the way he sounds would send him right over the edge. 

Jensen moves slow at first, like he's experimenting, and after a few times his thrusts get faster, smoother. His cock drags against Jared's prostate, the constant stimulation making him gasp and squirm, pushing back needily, his cock swinging with each hard thrust.

Jensen is panting, groaning as he fucks Jared hard and deep, and his fingers press into Jared's hips, dragging him back to meet his thrusts. "Baby, I can't… I'm gonna come. So fucking close," he gasps.

Jared curls his fingers into the pillow, head swimming with pleasure. "Do it," he says breathlessly, because he wants to feel it. Wants Jensen to come inside of him. 

Jensen groans, hips snapping forward once, twice, and then he stills, buried deep in Jared as he spills. Jared feels it, the hot sticky wetness inside of him, and he moans loudly, rocking back onto Jensen and chasing his own release. 

"Jared," Jensen slurs and then he shifts, hauls Jared back against him as he reaches around him. He wraps his hand around Jared's cock and it only takes two strokes before Jared comes, trembling and moaning as Jensen jerks him through it. 

They collapse onto the mattress together, Jensen's weight pinning him down, and he brushes sloppy kisses against the curve of Jared's neck, murmuring his name. Jared feels like he's floating, pleasure buzzing through him. 

Finally, Jensen lifts up, cock slipping out of Jared, and Jared bites back the disappointed noise threatening to escape. They're a tangle of uncoordinated limbs as they shift around, arranging themselves until Jensen is on his back and Jared is draped halfway over him. 

"Good?" Jensen asks, sounding all fucked out. He nuzzles Jared's hair, strokes a hand down his back, and Jared lets out a slow, quiet moan of satisfaction.

"Fucking A," he mumbles. "You?"

"Yeah," Jensen says, and his hand slips lower, until he slides two fingers between Jared's cheeks, catching against his rim. Jared's used to the tacky feeling of lube, but he's wetter now and he feels some of the sticky mess that's trickled out. 

It's dirty in a way that makes arousal spark anew inside him and he squirms. Jensen makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a growl and he presses inside Jared, two fingers sinking in easily.

It's a little overwhelming, too much after he just came, but it's the most amazing feeling at the same time, and Jared hitches one leg up before he can think about it.

"Fuck, Jared," Jensen murmurs and then laughs a little. "Don't think anything has ever felt this amazing in my _life_."

Jared's pretty sure if he wasn't still so out of it he'd preen, but as it is he just hitches his hips back shamelessly and gasps. Jensen fucks his fingers in and out a few times, the wet squelching sound of come and lube mingling with the noises Jared is making. And then Jensen hauls him up, presses his lips to Jared's in a fervent, desperate kiss.

Before long, Jared finds himself being flipped over onto his back, and Jensen slides on top of him, coaxing his legs apart to settle between them. They make out heavily until they're both breathless and hard again and Jared is pretty sure neither of them have recovered so quickly in a long time.

Jensen slicks himself up again and then he pushes Jared's legs up over his shoulder, almost folding him in half as he sinks right back into him to the hilt. Jared cries out and grabs Jensen's shoulders, holding on as Jensen starts thrusting.

They both last longer this time, moans muffled by kisses and the bedframe thudding against the wall rhythmically. 

"You feel so good," Jensen mumbles, eyes dark and wide, cheeks flushed. "You're so amazing, Jay."

Jared can only utter Jensen's name in reply and arch up into him.

He comes first this time, his orgasm almost taking him by surprise when it finally washes over him, and he's too out of it, shuddering through the aftershocks, to really note when Jensen comes this time. 

He feels it afterwards though, when Jensen hauls him back into his arms. He's a mess, lube and come smeared between his cheeks and thighs. "Shower," he says in a slur.

"Tomorrow," Jensen mumbles.

"Jen," Jared says, squirming a little. "'m all dirty."

"Tomorrow," Jensen repeats, running a hand over the swell of Jared's ass and slipping between his legs, dragging through the mess. "Please?"

Jared flushes, but he nods in acquiescence. He's not sure he could get up and stand on his legs right now anyway. 

~*~

"I'm fucking gross," Jared says bearily the next morning, after waking up tangled with Jensen and being pulled into a lazy, slightly uncoordinated morning kiss. "I think I need ten showers before I can even leave the house."

"Why are we leaving the house?" Jensen asks, ducking down and kissing the side of Jared's neck.

"Dogs," Jared reminds him.

Jensen hums and lifts his head again, brushes their lips together. Jared shifts into him, and somehow he still feels tacky between his legs, though enough of the mess has dried to pull uncomfortably at hairs.

"I think you're just the right amount of gross," Jensen says, a teasing, smug smirk on his lips. "Think I'm gonna make sure you're like this all the time from now on."

"Jensen," Jared scowls, though his insides feel all warm and fuzzy as if Jensen just confessed his undying love to him. Not that he wants that. Probably. Maybe. 

"You really telling me you don't like it?" Jensen asks, taking Jared's chin between his thumb and forefinger, tapping the pad of his thumb against Jared's lip. "Don't like that I fucked you full of my come last night and it's still there now? You probably fucking _reek_ like me, sweetheart."

Jared's breath catches and his cock is starting to fill rapidly. He licks his lips and presses in closer against Jensen. "Who the hell taught you to talk like that?" 

"Hmm, you're just that inspiring," Jensen replies and grins slowly. "And we both know you love it."

"I do," Jared admits. "I still want a shower before I do anything else, though. It's not exactly comfortable."

Jensen heaves a sigh, pretending to look put-upon. "Fine," he says. "I guess since I got you all dirty, I should help you clean up as well."

"Yeah," Jared murmurs quietly and presses a quick kiss to Jensen's mouth before rolling out of bed. He makes a disgusted noise, because it really does feel a billion times worse than not cleaning up after sex _with_ a condom. 

Jensen laughs and slaps his ass, and then untangles himself from the sheets and follows.

Jensen does as he said he would, pulling Jared into his arms under the shower and taking over cleaning. He washes Jared's hair and then runs sudsy hands down his shoulders and back, spreads Jared's cheeks apart to let water sluice down between them before he follows the same path with his fingers, washing the mess between Jared's cheeks away and then sliding a finger into him while dragging him into a kiss. They come just from rubbing off on each other, two of Jensen's fingers buried inside of Jared, and then they clean up properly.

~*~

"So," Jensen starts over breakfast, which consists of coffee and cereal and a bowl of fruit while they sit at the kitchen island across from each other. "Last night. Was that a one-time deal or do you want to keep skipping the condoms?"

Jared almost chokes on a piece of strawberry and he coughs before swallowing. He hadn't really thought about that. Had kind of just assumed that that would be the way things are between them now, but _of course_ that would mean they'd have to agree upon some things. Like probably not seeing other people, just to be safe. Or at least being brutally honest if they did see other people and something happened and Jared _really_ doesn't want to know about any other guys Jensen fucks, ever.

"What," he says and licks his lips nervously. "What do you want?"

Jensen gives him a small, patient smile, one that Jared knows says _I think you're an idiot_ and _you're amazing_ at the same time. "I asked first," he says fondly.

Jared runs a hand over his face and sighs, knowing there's no other way to handle this than to talk, be honest. "Last night was amazing. And I want to keep doing it bare," he admits.

"But," Jensen prompts.

"I just don't know how I feel about us not using condoms and seeing other people," Jared says, biting down on the corner of his bottom lip.

Jensen nods. "Are you seeing other people?" he asks, and for once Jared can't really tell how Jensen feels, his voice devoid of any emotions.

"No," Jared says quietly. "You know I don't… I'm not really into one-night stands and we're together all the time anyway. I—I haven't been with anyone but you since way before we started this."

"You know I haven't been with anyone but you since we first slept together either, right?" Jensen asks, leaning forward a little. 

"I didn't know that," Jared admits, and he can't help but feel _happy_ that Jensen hasn't been with anyone else. Jensen has had a lot more casual hook-ups than he has, and while Jared knows he hasn't been out there, fucking around, all the time—mostly because they're together more often than not—he didn't know there hasn't been anyone else at all.

"Well, I haven't. There hasn't really been the need to," Jensen says, giving him a pointed look. "Don't foresee that changing either."

Jared can't hold back a smile then. "Okay," he says. 

"Okay," Jensen echoes. "So, we don't need condoms for now?"

"No," Jared agrees and grins. "Just… let me know if that changes."

Jensen looks like he wants to say something, but then he nods. "You don't have to worry about that right now, but yeah, I will. Same goes for you."

"Of course," Jared agrees, and snags another strawberry from the bowl between them, smiling. 

~*~

Considering Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and peace, it always baffles Jared how December always seems to the craziest month of the year. Between work and Christmas parties, he's already busy enough but then there are presents to buy and errands to run, and Jared feels like there isn't enough time left for him and Jensen, just when he wants to spend time with him more than ever before.

They manage to sneak in nights together whenever they can, but it's usually more rushed than he wants it to be, both of them exhausted and busy, and there are more nights spend apart than Jared wants there to be. A few times, Jensen joins Jared in the shower in the morning after Jared comes back from a run with the dogs and Jared isn't sure if he hears him come in or sets an alarm clock, but he's feeling a little smug that Jensen wants him as much, as often, as he does, even if the quick handjobs or messy blowjobs don't quite satisfy his needs.

It's still not enough, though, and Jared can't wait for things to settle down.

For the first time in four years, Jared isn't looking forward to the holidays as much as for the holidays to be over, so he and Jensen can go back to their regular schedule.

~*~

Things take another turn downhill when a stunt on set goes wrong a week before their Christmas break and Jared ends up getting tossed painfully, knocking into a table on the way down.

He lies on the ground, trying to catch his breath and waiting for the pain in his shoulder to ease, and when the first person rushes up and asks if he's okay, he can barely do anything more than grunt in pain. 

There's more filming to do, though, so once Jared is back on his feet, he brushes off the question if he needs a medic and only takes a short break before he films again.

He and Jensen have been filming separate scenes today, and while Jensen had to be on set incredibly early while Jared got to sleep in, Jensen got to leave early and Jared is suddenly more than ready to be done as well. So he grits his teeth and keeps working, hoping to get his final scene done quickly so he can go home. He pops a couple of painkillers between takes and hopes the pained grimaces work in favor of Sam's angsting.

~*~

"How's the shoulder?" Jensen asks when Jared comes home.

"Are you having people spy on me?" Jared shoots back jokingly and then winces when shrugging out of his coat makes his shoulder throb.

"You know it," Jensen replies, his voice gentle and his brow furrowed. "Do you need to get it checked out?"

Jared grunts and shakes his head. "I stopped by the medic on set before I came home," he admits. "It's just bruised."

Jensen doesn't look quite convinced, but he nods. "How about some food, a hot bath and then bed?" he suggests.

Jared agrees gratefully, happy to let Jensen take charge and pamper him tonight. They both get banged up and bruised sometimes, but it never stops sucking, and a little TLC can do wonders.

Jared lets Jensen hustle him towards the living room, sinking down on the couch while Jensen gets them two plates of food that he ordered in earlier, a beer for each of them, and a bottle of water for Jared. 

After a day mostly spent apart, Jared isn't eager to part again so he tries to ignore the throbbing in his shoulder for as long as he can. But Jensen knows him too well, and when Jared starts shifting around, he sends him upstairs.

"Go take a hot bath, relax," he says and draws Jared into a quick kiss before patting Jared's hip and sending him on his way.

The thought of relaxing in the bathtub is too tempting for Jared to put up an argument, so he trudges upstairs. He runs a bath, making the water as hot as he can stand and adds some fancy looking bath oil that has been sitting around in his bathroom for a while and which Jared can't remember having bought. 

He strips, wincing at the way some movements tug at his shoulder, and then sinks into the water with a sigh. He tries to slide in deep and has to bend his knees until they stick out of the water a little, to submerge most of his shoulders. It's not exactly comfortable, but the warm water feels nice. Jared tips his head back and sighs, feeling the heat ease some of the tension.

"Jay?"

Jared blinks his eyes open. Jensen is hovering in the door, holding two tumblers with amber liquid. 

"Want some?" he asks. "Or did you take anything too strong?"

"Nah, just some mild painkillers," Jared says and holds his hand out, dripping water onto the floor just outside the bathtub. "Didn't want to feel all fuzzy while filming."

Jensen nods and steps closer, handing Jared one of the glasses. "Here. Might help you relax.". 

"Thank you," Jared says. He takes a sip and sighs happily at the way the whiskey burns down his throat.

Jensen sits down on the closed toilet seat, stretching his legs out, and takes a drink as well. "How do you feel?" he asks.

"Okay," Jared says.

"Let me see," Jensen says and leans forward. 

Jared blinks at him and then he sits up. He hears Jensen suck in a breath.

"Shit, Jared, that looks pretty bad," he says. Jared took a peek in the mirror earlier and he knows his shoulder isn't looking great, a big bruise there that's already turning an impressive shade of purple. 

Jensen comes to kneel by the tub and Jared holds still as Jensen touches his shoulder, hand framing the bruise. He shudders when he feels Jensen's lips touch the spot, gentle enough that it doesn't hurt.

"It looks worse than it feels," he admits and brings the tumbler up to take another gulp of whiskey.

"Still probably hurts like a bitch," Jensen guesses and brushes Jared's hair towards the other side of his neck. "I still got that ointment they gave me last time I got banged up pretty good. I'll put some on your shoulder before you head to bed."

"Hmm, okay," Jared agrees, and when he feels Jensen draw back, he eases himself back down into the water. Jensen is still kneeling by the tub and he's got a fond, soft look on his face that makes Jared smile up at him.

"You're a good…" Jared starts and then stops himself, not really sure how to continue. He doesn’t know what exactly they are right now, because Jensen isn't his boyfriend, but he's so much more than a friend. More than a best friend.

"A good what?" Jensen prompts.

"Good Jensen," Jared fumbles, and maybe the beer and whiskey and painkillers are affecting him a bit more than he expected. Jensen laughs. 

"There probably aren't a lot of Jensens," he admits. 

Jared shifts in the water and gives Jensen a small grin. "Well, you're the best."

"Well, you're the best Jared," Jensen replies, only slightly sarcastically.

"Hmm, there are probably quite a few more Jareds than Jensens. There's possibly some stiff competition."

Jensen leans in, shaking his head at him, and kisses him.

~*~

Jensen's touch is gentle as he spreads the cream over Jared's shoulder. It smells a little funky, but it's cool and soothing against Jared's skin and Jensen's hand feels nice. Jared tips his head forward, sighs and doesn't complain when Jensen's touch lingers a little longer than probably necessary. 

"Time to go to bed," Jensen finally says and presses a kiss to Jared's nape. "Hopefully you'll feel better in the morning."

"'m sure I will," Jared says around a yawn and turns around. He catches Jensen by the wrist. "Hey. Umm, you wanna stay? Maybe?"

Jensen barely hesitates before he gives Jared a soft smile and nods. "Sure," he says.

They get ready for bed in companionable silence and it's a little awkward, because they never do this unless they've already fucked. They slide under the covers together and there's a bit of shifting around until Jared has found a position that works for his shoulder, his arm thrown over Jensen's chest and leg tucked between Jensen's. 

"Okay?" Jensen asks, fingers skimming over Jared's ribs and down to his waist.

"Yeah," Jared says. Jensen pulls him a little closer then and kisses the top of his head.

"Jay?" 

"Yeah?"

Jensen shifts under him. "I talked to my mom earlier, while you were still on set," he says, his voice quiet and thoughtful. "She asked if you're coming to visit over the holidays."

"Oh. Sure, if you guys want me to?" Jared replies. "I haven't really thought about that yet. Haven't booked a flight yet or anything."

"Yeah, me neither," Jensen admits. "But I was thinking, maybe we could head to L.A. for a couple of days, hang out with everyone there before we head to Texas."

"Sounds nice," Jared agrees.

"Hmm, and you can come to Dallas for a couple of days. I'll come see you in San Antonio, spend some time with your folks," Jensen continues. 

Jared's lips curl up into a smile. "Got it all figured out, huh?" he teases and moves a little. It makes his shoulder throb and he hisses. Jensen curves his hand around his ribcage, shifts them so Jared is resting more comfortably on top of him again.

"Careful," he murmurs. 

"Thank you," Jared says.

Jensen hums, carding fingers through Jared's hair. "There's this other thing I was thinking about," he adds quietly. "We're hardly ever in L.A. and who knows if we'll be there next hiatus or somewhere else for some project. So since I'm living here with you while we film, maybe it'd make sense if you sold your house in Los Angeles and just moved into mine there."

"What?" Jared asks, the suggestion taking him by surprise, because that's not something they've ever talked about.

"Just a thought," Jensen says. "You're barely ever there, so why have a house there when you have one here? And you put up with me here, so it's only fair if I return the favor."

Jared snorts. "Well, now I feel wanted."

"Hmm. I'm serious, though. Living together has been pretty good," Jensen continues and Jared can hear the smile in his voice.

"It has," he agrees. "It's worth a thought. Kinda make sense." 

"Good," Jensen says. "You don't have to, but the offer stands if you want to… and I'd like having you there."

Jared grins to himself, the ache in his shoulder suddenly all but forgotten. 

~*~

"I found a flight for us the day after we wrap," Jensen says a couple of days later, pushing his feet under Jared's thighs and wriggling them. Jared looks up from his phone and at Jensen who is occupying the other corner of the couch. "We could stay in L.A. for three or four days and then head out to Texas. Chris mentioned some party; I don't remember where, but he said we should come, that it'd be great."

"He says that about every party," Jared replies.

"Well, yeah," Jensen says with a quirked smile. "Half of the time he's right, half of the time he's horribly wrong. But no risk, no fun, right?"

Jared chuckles. "Yeah, guess so," he says. "Sounds good. I, uh, thought maybe I could contact a real estate agent, see if it makes sense to sell."

"Yeah?" Jensen says, and Jared can tell he's trying not to break out into a grin.

"Well, it might be a good idea. Financially and stuff," Jared says.

"Of course," Jensen agrees. "So. I'll book those flights for us and then we can look for flights to Texas a few days later? Maybe Dallas first and then San Antonio? Have you talked to your folks yet?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure they'll be fine. Jeff always splits the holidays up between us and the in-laws too," Jared says and then flushes. "I mean, not quite the same thing, but…"

"No, yeah, I know what you mean," Jensen says and grins a little. "Whatever works for you and your parents, Jay." 

"Okay," Jared says and reaches for Jensen's feet, curving his hand around the back of Jensen's left heel. He feels utterly content in that moment, with Jensen close by and the dogs curled up on the rug in front of the couch, knowing they'll be wrapping soon and that he'll spend the holidays with Jensen, maybe even the entire break if he can get up the nerve to ask Jensen about his New Year's plans. He thinks maybe they will, either way.

~*~

The party is loud and packed and so _L.A.._ Jared never felt entirely at home with the Hollywood crowd, but more so now that he's barely even in town anymore. Vancouver is entirely different. He's a small fish in a big pond in L.A., and he—and Jensen—are a bigger deal in Vancouver and at the same time most people really don't seem to care. 

Their names carry some weight there, but while it might get them a table at their favorite restaurants whenever they want, they still get treated like anyone else once they're there and they might get free things when they're out about town sometimes, but they're mostly left alone. Jared likes Vancouver, feels more at home there than in L.A.—though not as much as in Texas, still.

But it's nice to see some familiar faces at least, catch up with friends and acquaintances. Jared loses Jensen in the crowd while they chat to different people, but he eventually finds him again outside on the bar's patio with Chris. 

He's got a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other and he lights up when he sees Jared. 

"Hey, beautiful," he drawls when Jared gets closer. 

"Jensen," Chris says, tone warning, but Jensen rolls his eyes and makes a dismissive noise. He takes a drag from the cigarette and then holds it out to Jared.

Neither of them smoke unless they're out and drinking, and Jensen a lot more than Jared then, but Jared takes it and takes a few drags before stomping it out.

"Nice party," he says, grinning at Chris.

Jensen pats his arm, though he's looking at Chris. "That's short for we kind of hate it and will duck out early, but hey, at least we showed our faces for a bit," he snarks.

Chris guffaws. "No worries; I didn't expect much else from you two," he admits. 

Jared slings his arm around Jensen's shoulder, hoping it looks casual to anyone who sees them, and then nicks Jensen's drink. "You don't need to elaborate," he says. "Steve already pulled me aside and gave me a very impressive, if vague, speech about people who hide out in a foreign country and never spend time with their friends. There were some slight digs about stealing someone else's best friend away in there, too." 

"I hate my friends," Jensen says. He waits until Jared has taken a couple of gulps and then pries the cup out of Jared's fingers and finishes the rest of the drink. 

Chris is watching them, somewhat amused. "So, guess you're heading out now?"

"Yup," Jensen says. "I came, I said hi, I got tipsy, so I fulfilled my duty." 

Chris laughs again and then pulls Jensen into a quick hug and then Jared, all with Jared keeping his arm wrapped around Jensen's shoulder. "Happy holidays, you two," he says.

"Yeah, merry Christmas, you fucker," Jensen says, and grins. "Ready to ditch this place, Jay?"

"Fuck yes," Jared says, giving Chris a small wave. His arm slips from around Jensen then and Jensen puts his hand between Jared's shoulders, his touch light, and steers him through the crowd inside towards the front door.

They stop to say goodbye to a few people and get their jackets, and Jared breathes a sigh of relief when they make it outside.

"Dude, I never want to be famous enough where I have to attend stupid Hollywood parties all the time to stay relevant and promote shit," he says, rolling his shoulders.

"What about famous enough that you don't have to attend any parties at all?" Jensen suggests.

"And have everyone watch every step I make and pick apart everything I do and say?" Jared counters. "No, thank you."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. "Wanna catch a cab or walk for a bit?"

Jared considers that; he had a few drinks and is feeling a bit of a buzz, but not enough to be tipsy. Walking would probably help clear his head and the bar that some friends of friends of Chris rented out for the party is in a busy enough area that they could walk for a while and then find a cab.

"Let's walk," he decides and bumps his shoulder into Jensen's before putting a respectable distance between them as they head down the sidewalk. 

"This girl asked me about you earlier," Jensen says as they fall into step next to each other. "Friend of a friend of Chad's ex, I think? She said you knew each other."

"I know tons of people," Jared says with a shrug, not really sure who Jensen could be talking about.

Jensen hums. "She asked me for your number." 

"I hope you're not handing out my number to some girl, just because she said she knows me," Jared says, pulling a face.

"Nah," Jensen says and nudges him with his elbow. "Told her I thought you were maybe seeing someone. She seemed kinda pushy, so I figured that might nip things in the bud."

"Well, if rumors about me being in a new relationship make the tabloids, I know who I'll have to blame."

Jensen grins at him.

"What?" Jared asks. "You don't think I'm important enough to make the tabloids?"

"Oh no, definitely," Jensen soothes. "You're very important."

Jared puffs out his chest. "Exactly."

Jensen laughs softly and he weaves a little. Jared grabs his elbow, pulling him closer against his side when Jensen gets dangerously close to bumping into a streetlamp. "You're sloshed, man." 

"Only a little," Jensen amends and then sighs a little. "There were too many fucking people there tonight."

"Yeah," Jared agrees.

"And I think Canada ruined me, because I think it's fucking weird that it's warm enough not to have to wear a bunch of layers in December," Jensen continues.

Jared wrinkles his nose. "I know," he says. 

"Fucking sunshine," Jensen grumbles. 

"Do you need another drink so you can be happy tipsy Jensen and not grumpy tipsy Jensen?" Jared snickers.

"Nah," Jensen says dismissively. "There are plenty of other things that would make me happy right now other than a drink."

He wiggles his eyebrows and Jared laughs, but he walks a little faster, making sure to swing his hips exaggeratedly. "Yeah?" he says, looking back at Jensen over his shoulder.

"Jared," Jensen says and stops walking.

Jared stops as well, turns, and gives Jensen a confused smile. "What?"

"You know I'm so fucking in love with you, right?" Jensen asks, his voice thick. 

Jared's heart thuds in his chest and he feels like his world just tilted and at the same time Jensen might as well just have told him the sky is blue. Because of course Jared knew, but he also didn't _know_. Or maybe he thought Jensen didn't know.

"Say something," Jensen prompts, smiling tentatively.

Jared smiles back, a small one, then wider. "I'm so fucking in love with you, too," he replies.

Jensen steps closer, but not close enough for them to touch. Not as close as Jared wants him.

"I wish we weren't in the middle of the street in L.A. of all places right now so I could kiss you," Jensen says.

Jared laughs quietly. "Cab?" he suggests, and Jensen nods.

"Good idea."

~*~

They watch cartoons in bed on the ridiculously huge TV in Jensen's bedroom the next morning, sipping coffee and eating the pastry Jared got in the little café a few blocks away on his early morning run. 

The interior designer that helped Jared with his house gave him this whole spiel about why TVs in bedrooms are a bad idea for a person's energy, but this makes Jared seriously reconsider that decision.

Jared catches the hand Jensen has resting on his shoulder in his and tangles their fingers, bringing them to his lips to kiss Jensen's knuckles, smiling. Jensen looks at him, lips turned up, still looking sleepy, his hair soft and messy, his skin a little pale and eyes not quite alert yet. He looks happy, though, completely relaxed.

Jared leans in and kisses him, smiling against his mouth. They part with a quiet snick and Jensen steals another kiss.

"I think maybe we should tell some people about us," he murmurs quietly. "Just our family and close friends."

"Yeah?" Jared asks.

"I don't wanna pretend to be your friend when we're back home for the holidays," Jensen admits. "And I wanna steal you away for New Year's, if you want to, and I don't want to field a thousand questions about why I won't attend some party or another from my friends."

"Steal me away where?" Jared prods, grinning.

Jensen shrugs, the movement of his shoulders jostling Jared a little. "Wherever you want," he says. "Somewhere with a beach. Or maybe we could go skiing for a few days, get a cabin in Whistler or something."

"Skiing sounds nice," Jared says a little wistfully. "Burn off all those pounds we'll probably put on over the holidays on the slopes and then warm up in front of a fireplace."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. 

Jared smiles at him. "We've never taken a trip together, not unless it was for work or to go home together."

"There are lots of things we haven't done together yet," Jensen points out. 

"Yeah," Jared says and then snorts, amused. "And yet this won't really change things between us much at all."

"Not really," Jensen agrees and he scoots down, pulling Jared down with him. "That's pretty good, right? None of the new relationship awkwardness and stuff." 

"Yeah," Jared says and Jensen hauls him into a kiss. It's slow and sweet and when they break apart, Jensen runs his thumb over Jared's cheek.

"You're kind of perfect," he says quietly.

"I'm really not," Jared argues, rolling his eyes even as he starts grinning. 

"Hmm. You're too damn hyper sometimes and you eat so much we'll never be able to retire and your farts are probably a weapon of mass destruction," Jensen says. "You're still perfect." 

"Jensen," Jared murmurs a little exasperatedly.

"Me on the other hand," Jensen continues with a little smirk, "I'm one of those stupid, uncouth alpha males. I get kinda possessive and I'll probably forget our anniversary and I'll never buy you flowers. Think you can put up with that?"

"I can probably manage," Jared says and heaves a sigh. "I mean, you _are_ really good in bed."

"I am?" Jensen asks, raising one eyebrow. "Maybe I should remind you of that, just in case."

"Maybe you should shut up and kiss me," Jared counters.

Jensen nudges Jared over onto his back and climbs on top of him. "My pleasure," he murmurs.

And yeah, Jared is pretty sure he can put up with this for a damn long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/whispered_story).


End file.
